Still Playing Dress-Up
Last week I ran across a post about a mom’s old flute that she played in high school and early college. She was saving it for her daughters to play, and she decided to photograph the memory. I felt like I could have written the post… minus the truly breath-taking photographs. And the band director parent.
But wow, did it send me back through some memories…
all the different hats I tried on…
Elements by Catherine Designs
the shoes I’ve tried to fill…
Elements by Catherine Designs
I wanted to play at Carnegie Hall, to be a doctor, to do public relations for Compassion International, to live in Africa.
The most recent, and maybe the most ridiculous, is to write a book. I’m not sure what kind of book…
Do we ever get to a point where it’s too late to think about what we want to be when we grow up? Is it ok to think this way?
This week I also found a post by a person who is doing something that, on the surface, seems deeply meaningful and fulfilling. She’s a professional photographer, volunteering her time to take photos for families of babies who are born to heaven.
As I read her heart, though, I feel the weight of unspeakable grief. She sheds tears… This is a painful service.
I find myself turning imaginary crowning caps of achievement upside-down, wishing somehow they would hold a share of the grief and carry it away… knowing I’m not able to do that.
Some days I wonder if I’m cut out for being a stay at home mom. I can’t shake the early habits of dreaming, of wanting to do something bigger.
The truth is, though… I might not be dreaming big enough.
This morning, it’s my shoes that are flipping upside-down. Laces to the floor, I feel inadequate to join an epic force of kneelers.
It wasn’t long ago that laces were pressed to carpets and wood and tile for me. The dramatic effect is that my husband and I now have the task of teaching four little dreamers that sometimes glory is in the upside-down and backwards.
I wish I could bring fame and glory to the people who prayed for me… my thank you.
Barring that…
would new shoelaces do?
Hoping, at least, that you have a glorious Wednesday.
Just remembering those years, the heartache, the feeling of helplessness on our parts to do ANYthing to help you. Wanting to “make it all better,” and only being able to put our shoelaces to the floor. But that isn’t an “only,” is it? : ) God knew what He wanted for you, and I believe that waiting and hurting had a purpose, too. Maybe the book.
I’m sure it was hard to know what to do with me… probably still is now sometimes.
I may never know any reasons on this earth, and I’m really ok with that.
I’m not really ok with not knowing what I’m going to be when I grow up… just trying to figure that part out.
Love all your collages here! I don’t think we ever stop thinking about what we want to become. At least, I hope not!
Thanks for your inspiring post! Obviously, it had me thinking.
The collages are old pages from a neglected digital scrapbooking hobby! I got into it and then shifted my focus to learning to take better photos.
oh oh oh! I wish we could sit and talk in person! Pondering dreams and “growing up” and raising kids and how hard it all is…..I’ll try to formulate a more rational written response and come back to post again.
Your words and your post….it means a lot to me.
Blessings!
Emily
Emily, thank you for your inspiring post! I’ll be thinking of you and the families you’ve photographed. Maybe someday we WILL get to sit and talk in person!
I’ve been told that going back to the ideas and hopes of childhood are often one of the signposts to the purpose God has for us today. I think there’s some truth to that.
So, what’s so incredulous about writing a book? 🙂
I love this post! I have been thinking along the same lines! I’ve been going back and forth between being content with life and discontent, thinking I should or could be doing more, somehow making more of a difference in a “bigger” way. I think that God gives us passions and desires for accomplishing great things but I find it so hard to remember that big things happen when I’m on my knees and being a good wife and mom. Thanks for sharing! I can’t wait until you get here. Lots to talk about!
Take from an old Ozark Farm Chick…God is never finished with us and as long as we take breath…we are growin’!!! I’m 58 wife, mother of two, grandmother of eight….(yep, I said eight), retired Special Ed., Pre~teen Sunday School Teacher, Kid’s Church Director, farm wife and am still tryin’ to decide what I wanna be when I grow up! Just sayin’ sweetie…………….
God bless ya and have a most incredible day girl!!!
HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!
The kids look at me strangely when I tell them I want to be a Latin teacher when I grow up. For some reason, they think I’ve already got there!
Love this. I especially like the line about not dreaming big enough. Thanks for sharing your life in this way.
You create such wonderful memories for your little babies Debbie! I hope I’m as loving as a mommy as you are!